Mind Verses Read online



  Dedication

  To my mother--

  Maa,

  You pull me up and inspire me every single time I falter

  To my readers,

  I am not writing anything that hasn’t been said or written before. But I’m writing them in my words. I write just how I feel or observe events and moments in life. Every poem I write is raw and honest; without any ornamental words.

  My only wish from this collection is that my words resonate with you and that you feel like these words have helped. I hope you find what you need in time.

  All my love,

  Deena

  May, 2017

 

  ‘Just let go. Drift. Drift like a cloud in the sky. Drifting, into that special state, that state of peace. Don’t hang on to thoughts, don’t hang on to anything. Your mind is getting quieter and quieter. Bliss is taking over you.’

  —Marlon Brando

  Contents

 

  Life

  This is for us

  All of you in this layogenic world

  This monologue is for us

  We feel too much

  We love too much and too soon

  We worry too much

  We give too much

  Unknowingly to the least deserving candidate

  For all of us who are too good for this often cruel

  Tedious journey called life

  That goes on in tandem

  I hope these words glue us

  To the feeling that we are normal

  That we are a treasure

  For all of us,

  In love with boketto

  You know, just gazing into space

  Without a thought in the world

  And not feeling silly about it

  This is for all of us for whom

  Just existing is exhausting

  Living every day and

  And going through each day

  For us for whom

  Dealing with life is difficult

  It is to show you that

  There are more of you

  And there are more of us

  And we’re in this together

  Bullets

  Barrels of guns aren’t

  The only ones that

  Fire bullets

  Bullet shrapnel

  That sear through

  Our mind

  Words can do that too

  Thoughtless hurtful

  Words create in

  Our hearts permanent wounds

  Harsh words pierce into our soul

  It forms a gaping hole in our heart

  Mean words scar us

  Like bullets, they disfigure us

  We don’t stay the same

  Negative words defeat us

  Insensitive words take

  Something away from

  You who says it

  It makes you less of a human

  Kind words

  You know how powerful

  Words are, right?

  Words that light us up

  The kind words

  Said with a smile

  The encouraging phrases

  Someone says to you

  Those words make our hearts

  Dance with happiness

  Just one word

  That’s all it takes to

  Break us or

  Build us

  Meaningless Words

  Why do we say things we don’t mean?

  Why do we do the things we say we’d do?

  Is this what it means to be the most evolved creature?

  Does it make us the most civilized being on the planet?

  So, that we trick people and manipulate situations?

  Does this make us feel clever?

  Does this make us feel superior to the ones we make a fool of?

  Does this make us happy?

  Evil

  You’re toxic

  And you don’t even know it

  There’s an evil twin

  Inside of you

  It comes out

  When you least expect

  In front of the person

  You don’t really mean

  To hurt

  This meanness

  That’s in your words

  The hatred

  That’s in your eyes

  You have a black

  Heart growing

  In that chest of yours

  Beating silently

  Behind the bright red

  Heart that we all have

  You say words

  That would upset you

  If someone else said

  Them to you

  You know all this

  But you still want

  Your words to

  Hurt this person

  Who loves you

  As unconditionally

  As she can

  You are sorry

  When the rage isn’t

  Blinding your senses

  And judgements anymore

  But you’ve already

  Left a scar that

  Unkind words

  Leave on your soul

  Your ‘sorry’

  Doesn’t fully

  Heal that wound

  It just numbs the pain

  Judgemental

  Form opinions

  Develop thoughts

  Grow ideas

  Be a judge of your

  Own character

  Not someone else

  Don’t criticize and

  Embarrass someone

  Talk to them

  And discuss

  Understand their

  Point of views and

  Make them see yours too

  You don’t know how

  They are feeling

  You can’t see what

  Your words are

  Doing to them

  Who gave you the right?

  Just because she is kind doesn’t

  Give you a chance to exploit her

  Just because she truly cares for you

  Doesn’t give you the right to

  Play with her feelings

  Just because she’s quiet

  Doesn’t mean your actions or

  Your words aren’t hurtful

  Just because she trusts people easily

  Doesn’t allow you to deceive her

  Just because she listens to you

  Doesn’t make her answerable

  To your needs

  Just because making someone

  Happy pleases her

  Doesn’t mean she

  Is a doormat

  Just because she

  Cries easily doesn’t

  Make her weak

  Just because she

  Agrees readily to

  The things you say

  Doesn’t give you the

  Right to bully her

  Just because she’s not

  Fighting you now

  Doesn’t mean she

  Never would.

  Growing Up

  Remember the time when you were little

  And felt grownups were annoying

  And you wanted to grow up quickly so you wouldn’t

  Need their help for everything anymore

  Now, when you’re old enough

  Do you feel the same?

  Have you changed?

  Do you think being a grownup is hard?

  And you want to go back in time.

  A quarter of your life has passed

  And you still don’t feel like you’ve grown up

  You still don’t feel like you’re an adult

  You still have so much to learn

  And so much to unlearn

  Black clouds


  The darkness

  It ebbs and flows

  Full moon hidden

  Behind stormy black

  Clouds of listlessness

  Bouts of endless sadness

  Blinding her from reality

  And imagination

  Making her forget

  That these moments

  Will pass

  She feels helpless

  She wants out

  But doesn’t know

  When or how

  She doesn’t remember

  To not listen to

  Every single thought

  That grows its limbs

  Inside her head

  She can’t see all

  Those people who

  Care for her

  The feeling of not

  Being able to bear

  It all looms on her

  The only thought

  That of simply vanishing

  And not existing

  Keeps bouncing back and forth

  Just like a pendulum

  Back and forth

  Back and forth

  Few minutes

  The few minutes of euphoria

  Feels like happiness

  Is it really?

  Or is it just an illusion?

  A happy perception

  That fools you

  And everyone else too

  Anxious mind

  Heart fluttering

  Ice cold hands

  Can’t breathe

  There’s not enough

  Air in the room

  Take control immediately

  Talk to yourself

  Stop panicking

  Command your brain to relax

  Take deep breaths

  Breathe in

  Breathe out

  And repeat

  Bottled Up

  Tears choke me

  Sometimes without a reason

  Frustration kills me

  The knife of pain slices through

  My entire body

  Fizzes here and sparks there

  Feelings I can’t describe engulfs me

  Without any warning

  A blanket of sadness smothers me

  Unscrewing the bottle cap

  Of rushing emotions

  Crying myself to sleep

  Losing count of the sleepless night

  When my blue heart was

  Confused and puzzled.

  Switch it off

  She just wants to

  Stop her mind

  From forming

  Thoughts

  All kinds of them

  It’s too dangerous

  Just for a while

  To switch off thinking

  Unknown

  Not knowing what’s

  Going to happen

  Makes me sick

  I react physically

  My sensations heighten

  My pulse quickens

  My breath comes

  In short gasps

  I feel nauseous

  Sometimes my

  Head spins

  My vision gets blurry

  I have to sit down somewhere

  Uncertainty scares the hell

  Out of me

  I want someone to

  Tell me what to do

  I want you to tell

  Me if I’m making

  The right choices

  I want to stop feeling

  Terrified of the unknown

  Rat race

  Don’t let your heart

  Be blinded with desperation

  Don’t let your desires

  Eat you up alive

  Don’t be so consumed by

  The rat race that

  You stop being human

  Nothing’s worth

  Being this foolish

  Starry eyed

  You come from different parts of the world

  You have stars in your eyes

  In hopes of a better standard of living

  Searching for a more secure career

  Looking to earn a six figure salary

  Expecting a comfortable life for your children

  But it’s not always a dream come true

  Sometimes it’s even more difficult than making

  A mark in your homeland

  You could have stayed back too

  In a settled life

  Sometimes you want to challenge yourself

  Sometimes you want to leap out of your comfort zone

  Whatever your reasons, know this much

  Always keep your

  Priorities in life straight

  Analyze your decision with care

  Give yourself chances to afford

  The mistakes you make

  Is it too much to ask?

  Is it too much for us to understand each other?

  Is it too much for you to look beyond my gender?

  Is it hard for you to accept me regardless of my race and ethnicity?

  Does it make you raise an eyebrow when you

  See me dressed traditionally?

  Will it be an uphill struggle for you to know my religious

  Faith is different than yours?

  Does it make you cringe

  When I want to speak in my poetic mother tongue?

  Will it make you shudder in horror if I want to eat a deshi meal with my hand?

  Is it too much if I ask you to appreciate my culture when I already adapted to yours?

  Tell me, am I asking too much of you?

  *deshi-traditional

  Forced separation

  The incessant cries of the new born

  Doesn’t let me sleep

  The pain I feel

  In its mother’s cry

  Is equally distressing

  The infant who’s born as

  A result of a mechanical rape

  If born a female, it’s destiny

  Is the same as its mother

  And if it’s a male, he’s

  In for a gruesome fate

  A few years into life

  And then he’s slaughtered for meat

  The mother, she always suffers the most

  After giving birth, her milk is

  Robbed from its rightful owner

  Her milk becomes the sole property

  Large business empires

  The mother goes through

  Continuous cycles of forced

  Violations of her female parts

  Until she is exhausted from giving birth

  And then the old mother is taken to

  The slaughterhouse too

  All through the holy month,

  Unassuming herds of cattle are

  Bought to be sacrificed

  Before the festive day, the night air is filled

  With their shrill fearful cries,

  Guessing their imminent end

  On the day itself,

  I avoid looking at religious men

  Running around with blood

  Splattered swords

  Pools of blood on roads

  The smell of innards and

  Raw flesh haunts me

  Days after it all ends

  When I eat plants and leaves,

  Seeds and grains

  I’m not uprooting the whole plant

  I know I’m

  Replenishing them again

  When you kill an animal, you

  Are taking that life

  And it’s gone forever

  All Alone

  Alone in the summer rain,

  Alone when I shed teardrops in vain

  Alone when I see roses showered in morning dews.

  Alone as I see the evening sky lit golden pink

  Alone as I seek the inner me.

  Always wrong

  For someone who’s so attuned to her feelings,

  She manages to put her trust in the wrong people

  People who don’t appreciat
e her worth

  People who don’t match up to her morals

  Or she can’t live up to their expectations

  To her, it feels like a Them versus Her situation

  She doesn’t know why she keeps on repeating her mistakes

  Instead of learning from them

  It’s a mystery

  To her and

  To them

  Why don’t we build each other up?

  We all are different

  Our lives are not the same

  But we are the same species

  Our stories are similar

  The struggles we go through

  The sorrow we experience

  Then why do we fight

  Against each other

  Why do we compete viscously?

  Why are we hell bent on pulling down one another?

  Why are we so focussed on picking out the flaws?

  Why can’t we see the kindness in someone?

  Why can’t we make ourselves speak

  A few good words about someone

  Even if they are grey and not angels?

  Why are we so scared of helping our people?

  Why are we so sarcastic of someone

  Owning their genuinity?

  Why do we rejoice when people suffer?

  Why can’t our women stand up for each other?

  Why can’t they stop being frenemies?

  Why can’t we all be a little bit more human?

  Or have we forgotten what being a human means?

  To Hell with Patriarchy

  My eyes are watching you

  Watching me

  Staring at me

  Gawking at my body

  Looking me up and down

  Judging my clothes

  Averting my eyes

  Doesn’t help because