Mind Verses Read online

And then there’s a love

  That speaks of a bargain

  Conditional love happens

  Because you are in a barter

  Some sort of a business deal

  Of a relationship

  You say, ‘I’ll love you

  if you listen to me’

  This is the 21st century

  Kind of love

  In Love with Love

  I am in love with the feeling

  Of being in love

  Let me live in my happy

  Bubble a little longer

  Don’t come to me with

  A bucketful of ‘love’

  Love me with a big heart

  I am in love with the

  Notion of love

  Don’t creep up

  On me with your

  Ideas of nihilistic love

  I don’t want to fall

  In love but in it, I

  Want to rise and flourish

  Don’t expect me to

  Change to your

  Extravagant opinions

  Accept me with my ego

  My judgements, my

  Sensitivity and depth

  Don’t expect me to

  Put up with your frivolity

  Choose me for all of me

  And not your version of me

  Trust

  With you,

  I am trusting

  My heart, my love

  Please keep it safe

  You

  Your twinkling eyes shine when they see me

  Your soft lips caress me like velvet

  Your fingertips touch me like feather

  Your voice sends a shiver down my spine.

  Your gaze bores a hole through me

  I feel crazy and sane at the same time just thinking of you,

  You are extra ordinary in your ordinary way.

  For Her Love Is

  When it’s raining, sit together with cups of steaming chai

  That’s love for her

  Read a book to her instead of going out everyday

  That’s love for her

  When you cook a meal together

  That’s love for her

  When you sing her a song even if you really can’t

  That’s love for her

  When you buy her a single rose

  That’s love for her

  When you quietly hold her while she’s breaking down

  That’s love for her

  When you hold her hand when crossing the road,

  That’s love for her

  When you ask if she’s feeling alright

  Because she hasn’t said a word since morning,

  She knows you care and

  That’s enough love for her.

  A piece of my broken heart

  How did he know?

  That I was damaged

  I never said it

  We never discussed it

  ‘Can you die of a broken heart?’

  I had asked him once

  ‘Yes, you can,’ he said.

  ‘So, am I dying?’

  I wondered aloud.

  ‘I won’t let you,’

  He whispered into my ears

  And his arms held me close.

  Flying high

  If you loved me

  Truly

  Deeply

  Passionately

  You wouldn’t

  Want to bind me

  You wouldn’t

  Want to tie me up

  With your sweet words

  You’d let me shine

  You’d let me fly

  Higher than the

  Birds in the sky

  Loss

  Void

  An emptiness is gnawing at me

  Like the bee sting that numbs the body

  A hollow feeling at the pit of my stomach

  Like the light-headedness after a punch in the face.

  My life is as aimless as the algebra which nullifies itself

  My life is as meaningless as someone trying to find a needle in the haystack

  Sometimes I feel my life will be over

  Just like a house of cards that topples over;

  Like glass shards,

  When it shatters, so silently that you cannot hear.

  Like the oil lamp, that dims as it burns away.

  I feel like the drowning man who's struggling for his last breath.

  I feel so helpless at times

  Like the mother whose child is dying in front of her

  Like the father who cannot earn enough to feed his children.

  I feel so lonely at times

  Like the lovebirds who are separated

  Like the lone survivor in the vast desert.

  I feel so sad at times

  Like I have lost some one very dear to me.

  I feel such an intense pain at times

  Like I'm in a leg amputation operation without anesthesia

  A searing pain like someone has ripped open my chest and taken out my heart.

  I am a void,

  Like the Universe.

  I am nothing 

  And I fade away...into nothingness.

  Missing You

  You know what I miss the most?

  I miss your voice, nanubhai

  The sweet voice you used to call me ‘nanu’.

  I miss your smile nanubhai

  That smile which would light up your whole face

  The smile which I’d try so hard to be the reason for

  I miss the life advice and stories

  I miss how we would talk on the phone and how happy I felt

  I miss sharing my daily events with you

  I miss how you always had something to soothe me with.

  I miss how you picked up on my mood the moment you talked to me.

  I miss how you always had my back and supported me no matter what.

  I miss how you gently pointed out if I’d done something wrong.

  I miss how you taught me that even the smallest kindnesses matter in life.

  I miss the fact that you were my one true friend that I no longer have.

  I miss eating at restaurants with you.

  I miss how we’d hug and cuddle into you

  I miss the childhood memories of you reading bedtime stories to me, even when you had worked late into the night.

  I miss the times you helped me with my homework even if you didn’t really know how to.

  I miss the times you tried to make me watch sports with you and I’d watch just to make you happy (even though I never really understood cricket!)

  I miss how you sometimes dropped me off to school or when I went to get you from work

  I miss the times you helped me put on a tie because I didn’t know how to since I knew you would do it for me.

  I miss that one time you cooked rice and fried eggs when I was little because I was hungry and there was no lunch prepared.

  I miss all the everyday things we did together.

  I miss having silly fights with you

  I miss how you were the only one who kept worrying and thinking about our wellbeing.

  I miss how we were together, like a team.

  I miss your courage.

  I miss your quiet strength

  I miss the love you’ve given me.

  I miss you very much, nanubhai

  I miss you and your abundant love.

  And I never knew I could feel this way.

  And this feeling is hard to describe.

  I feel like a bottomless pit, empty and hollow.

  I feel like my tears would dry up but I could not stop crying.

  I feel I’ve lost a father, although you were my grandfather.

  I feel like I’ve lost someone who understood me more than anyone ever will.

  I feel no one else would love me like you loved me, nanubhai.

  I feel like I’ve lost my home-my safe haven.

  I feel like I’ve lost something
so precious I thought I could never live without

  But most of all, nanubhai, I miss you-the wonderful human being that you are.

  There can never be another ‘you’ ever again.

  I never knew someone could love everyone equally and still make each person feel so special.

  So, now you know nanubhai what I miss the most about you.

  I feel I have a ‘nanubhai-shaped hole’ in my heart.

  A hole that cannot be fixed

  A hole no one can fill.

  This is what losing you feels like

  This is how it feels like now that I’m not with you.

  This is how friendless life is without you, nanubhai.

  nanubhai-Bengali for maternal grandfather

  nanu-affectionate pet name for a grandchild (from the daughter’s side)

  Death Is Inevitable

  I know death is inevitable

  I know we are but mere mortals

  All of us living until our times are up.

  But I didn’t know parting with

  You would be this painful.

  But you told me to be strong

  And I am trying hard, Nanubhai

  I am…I am trying my best.

  I miss you like I’d miss a limb

  A piece of me gone—lost forever

  In the infinite universe

  When I looked at myself in the mirror,

  I saw a different ‘me’.

  A constant sorrow within me lingers.

  I never want it to go away

  I never want your face to fade

  I always want the memories of us

  To be in my mind

 

  Lessons I’ve learnt

  In the worst of times

  I’ve always learnt

  Things about the great mystery called ‘Life’

  The death of my favourite person

  Taught me how meaningless life really is

  I’ve learnt how easy it is from being alive to being lifeless

  I’ve learnt how your world can shatter,

  How brittle this hour glass of life actually is.

  It showed me how grief becomes a competition

  How you can feel lonely and on your own

  Even though you are surrounded by a dozen people

  How life seems to come to a standstill

  How you feel your whole world is lost

  Lessons

  My dearest

  Be you

  Don’t change, darling

  Be sweet

  Don’t let their meanness make you bitter

  Be soft, girl

  Don’t allow the harsh realities

  Of life make your heart hard

  Be kind, my dearest girl

  Let them learn how

  To show kindness from you

  Be gentle

  Know it’s alright not to

  Be a hardened cynic

  Be caring

  Don’t stop looking out for others’ emotions

  Only because they don’t care how their

  Words make you feel doesn’t

  Mean you have to imitate them too

  Be empathetic

  At times, feeling other

  People’s pain lessens yours

  Be considerate

  Remember to respect the

  Needs of those close to you

  Be compassionate

  It’s important

  Be loyal, my love

  Even if it doesn’t get reciprocated

  Stay true to yourself

  Don’t be a fake,

  Trying to fit in

  Accept your inherent personality

  Know that the nature’s guiding you

  Glow, glow brighter, my dearest.

  Be your own person

  Love yourself the most

  Fall in love with every

  Inch of yourself

  Accept your flaws

  Understand your shortcomings

  Admire your strength

  Your perseverance

  Your tenacity

  Your resilience

  Your soft core

  Your kind soul

  Your sweetness

  Your beauty

  Your imperfections

  Your naivety

  Your honesty

  Your loyalty

  Your truthfulness

  Your idealisms

  Your moral values

  Everything about you

  Makes you complete

  You are perfect as you are

  You are enough as you are

  You are strong

  You have to be tough

  You have to be strong

  The most common phrases people say to me

  It annoys me because I am strong

  Perhaps not how they know strength

  And isn’t that how it should be?

  We’re all different

  Our strengths are too

  You get hurt by mean words

  And you still try your best to be kind

  That makes you strong

  You feel pain at every step

  And you still go and face this cruel world

  Full of people who make fun of you for being hyper sensitive

  That makes you strong

  Many things make you cry

  And that’s not a sign of weakness

  It shows you’re not

  Scared of your emotions

  It’s your way of

  Letting out the poison

  It’s what makes you strong

  You don’t fight with words

  Maybe you’re unable to

  It shows your tolerance

  It makes you strong

  You try not to say or

  Do things that hurt people

  It shows you’re polite

  It shows you care

  That you respect their feelings

  It shows you’re strong

  People say you’re too quiet

  You don’t have friends

  You know that’s not true

  But then you’re too tired

  To expend on your

  Energy to explain yourself

  You know you think

  Before speaking because

  Words matter very much

  What you say are not

  Just letters you utter

  From your mouth

  They change your life

  It shows your wisdom

  It’s not your weakness

  It’s your strength

  That’s why you are strong

  Blossom

  Like a flower that

  Comes in full bloom in spring

  Blossom into your full potential

  Practical dreamer

  Dream

  Dream big

  Dream the dreams that don’t

  Let you sleep

  Keep them alive.

  Dream when you’re asleep

  Keep them safe inside you

  Hidden from the naysayers,

  Who want to break you

  And know, that it’s

  Okay if your dreams

  Change along the way

  Just never stop dreaming

  And believing

  Don’t let your dreams fade

  Plan and hope

  But know the truths of life

  Know that things you

  Want won’t always happen just

  How you long them to be

  Know this and keep on moving ahead

  Go on striving

  Paradox

  I am a free spirit shackled in chains

  My happiness, laced with melancholy

  I want to live dangerously but I want security

  I wish to lead but I am a follower

  I need to be independent but I want to be looked after.

  I want to roar but I am snuffled out

  I am a burning flame but I flicker in the darkn
ess

  I want to shine like a sparkling star but I only give out a faint light

  I am white but I am hovering between black and grey

  I am a cynic but I want to be a believer

  I am the thin line between drowning and staying afloat

  I have a raging storm inside me

  I am but a book of contradictions

  I am a paradox.

  Life to Me

  What is life, anyway?

  I mean, what is the point of it all?

  This is what I think…

  Wait, just hear me out

  It all seems insignificant when

  We realize we are but mortals

  There is no elixir of eternal youth

  When you see a person taking his last breath,

  The life going out of his body

  How does it make you feel?

  To me, it feels like being helpless

  Life, at that point feels futile

  Life is a process

  An institute to learn

  To gather memories

  Collect experiences

  Living in the moment

  A journey with incessant

  Destinations until the final exit

  Insignificant

  Sometimes, late at night,

  When I can't fall asleep,

  Lying alone on the bed

  Thoughts engulf me,

  Lashing like giant waves,

  Trying to drown me.

  I think of the Universe,

  Its vastness and its immensity.

  I think of life and the people in it.

  "Why are we here," I think

  What is the meaning of life?